"What are you doing here?" Said by The Vampire Villain from the Party's Past upon discovering one of the party where she wasn't expected. In response, she decapitated him in one hit on a sneak attack.
His response: "I never liked you anyway," as his head toppled from his neck.

Keep in mind our party was mixed in terms of genders and races, but our group consisted of one male DM and about 5 female players.

Well, we were off on another derring-do mission. Finally found our archnemesis du jour... a Nasty Old Vrock. Hack and Slash, and we were giving and getting some damage, until one of us scored a critical hit... And she was aiming for the unholy thing's groin. Needless to say, he did not take it well, cursing our entire party and fleeing the scene. (Our DM nearly did the same, and this was tabletop)

DM: You see a centimeter-thick dust layer on the floor. What do you do?
Player: We attack it!
(they were apparently particularly bloodlusty that day :) )

The party is being tested by a shady organization, made to go through a tower where each room has a separate challenge.
One room has no obvious test or problem--just a table at the opposite end with all manner of weapons and jewels upon it.
So I, being the savvy evil wizard that I am, say to our bard, "Hey, why don't you go check that out?"
. . . he did, and failed the trustworthiness test. The rest of us were allowed to proceed.

The party went to the house, looking for someone, but the old lady in the house didn't want to let them in.
So the first guy strikes the old lady... and misses.
The second guy says "What, we attacking old ladies now?" and kills the first guy with a critical.
The third guy says "What, we attacking each other now?" and wastes the second guy. :)

The gallant Husar who never let a chance for a female conquest down, thought he made jackpot when one of the beautiful barmaids send him daring smiles all through the evening. Back in his room, he lay awake while waiting for a midnight visit, when suddenly his newly acquired sword (given by a Ghost in a tomb), jumped out of his scabbard, hung in the air and started to vibrate and glow. At the same time he heard a knock on the window (1st floor), where another one of the beuatiful serving maids was situatied outside. Smiling at him, she asked:"May I come in?". The Husar, who was very curious about his sword said:"Yes, but be careful, there is something happening!". At this point he remembered the fact that the sword would warn him if there were undeads approaching, but he haven't yet found out how. At the same time he also suddenly remembered that in order to enter a room, vampires had to have permission to do so!
Luckily he managed to leave the fray alive, almost entirely due to the swords other powerful properties against undeads, but the vampire also escaped.

In a pitch dark tunnel-complex during a high-tension battle, the wizard still had a few spells but was unable to see where to launch them. The Dwarven Priest was totally out of spells and very low on hit points, but he could still see where the action took place. Their teamwork came up with the priest seeing for them both while stearing the wizard from behind. When enemies was spotted, he would turn the wizard in the right direction while yelling: "Fire!" and an aproximately range. Their trademark for this part of the battle became:"Watch out! I got a Wizard! He is loaded and I'm not afraid to use him!"

Returning to the house of the Grandmaster of Sparta, the group finds the Master and his guards fighting against armed assassins. The Spartanian Husar first sprints into action and with a shout of "I'm coming my liege", he fumbles and falls across the nearest corpse! The Mage of the group (dangerous low on spells due to earlier encounter) decides to ram his armored opponent. He charges the man at full force, just to splat against his unyelding stand. The assassin smiles an evil grin as the wizard slides downward, but the grin disappears as he looks up and see the Ogre Mage of the party coming in at full force! The charge carried the assassin, the mage and the door to the throne room, 10 feet into the room!

Ronny skal beskrive sin person, da han møder de andre fra gruppen: "Store muskler foroven - virkelig en kraftig overkrop, men ingen underkrop". Hvorfor varede det noget, inden spillet fortsatte?

Fighter 1: Allright a dead end what do we do now?
Fighter 2: ahh.. The Troglodytes is here!
Fighter 1: What do we do now!?
Fighter 2: Try to say this Garna tirar hert zu
Fighter 1: Garna tirar hert zu
(Troglodytes look angry on them, and their shaman starts yelling)
Fighter 1: Where did you hear THAT!?
Fighter 2: In a Inn, a Troglodyte shouted it to me when i stamped on his tail!

We were hired to get rid of a vampire. After some searching we found his lair, in a hollow, a nice deep hollow with no outlets other than climbing up sheer walls.
So the party cleric went to town and bought himself a five pound block of salt. He came back, cast Create Water, which filled up the hollow with the vampire's lair in it, threw in the block of salt, and cast, Bless.
A burning skeleton managed to break the surface, then sank back into the water. Using Breathe Water we checked the place out, and learned that he was quite (true) deceased.
Once word of the exploit got out, undead for leagues around either moved to new locations, or made sure their lairs had adequate drainage.

DM: So what do you wish?
Player: A little purse which always contains money!
DM: .........
(The DM always tried to kill players when they wished power or money, but this one he couldnt do anything about it)

A party meets a half-elv woman : How comes you're a half-elf?
My mother was raped and killed ... No, my father was raped and then they killed my mother... "I GIVE UP" the DM shouted.

PLAYER1: "I pay for us both!"
PLAYER2: "I do the same!!"

PLAYER: I cast Color Spray on the guards !
DM: All right, you splash colors all over the men !!

A confused player: "How much damage can a Compositive Long Sword deal?"

A player who appereantly didn't paid enough attention: " Did you say I just learned Snilloc's Snowboard?"

I cast Fly and turn Thomas into a flie!!!!!!

I cast the spells that does that people cannot see me! (Her Spell-Book didn't contain Invisibility, and how should we know that she was talking about Ventriquism!!!)